Dad's gotten into this "take back the attic and garage" thing going on this month. I guess it's a guy thing. Anyways, because of this he brought all my sister's and my old school work. Mom went through and found things she wanted to save and things that she didn't mind throwing away. I went through a couple of my old writing journals. It made me laugh. And it also made me realize that my spelling has actually gotten better - who would have thought?!

It's good to be home. My break is flying by a little bit - no, a lot too fast. Yet, as everyone keeps saying, certainly it will get better. If I made it this semester, I can make it next. And the next and the next and....O goodness! Let's just take it a semester at a time.

I finally sent out some of my France letters. I know God will provide. Besides, that's the only way I can get the money!

Christmas time is here...

Do you ever wish you were a kid again? I never did until this year. I always thought, "No! I don't wish I were a kid again because that means I wouldn't be content with where I am now." Now that I feel that way, I realize that I was wrong. I wish, at times, to be a kid again, and I am still perfectly content with the life I live. There are times when it leads to a little discontentment. Sometimes it makes me sad. But most times it just makes me remember what it was like to be a child.

Memories mean a lot to me. I have a very good memory and I remember like everything in my life - good and bad. I think back to times when I was sad and my mom would rock me in our blue chair 'till I would fall asleep. I think one night after a very hard day at school I actually just said, "All I want is my mommy to rock me in my blue chair and pretend none of this happened!" Of course, that wouldn't have solved anything, but I thought it. I also remember my cousins and sister ganging up on me, and Christmas.Christmas was my favorite. The decorating, the presents, the cartoon movies about Frosty and Santa Clause. And, of course, the Christmas cookies that we'd always make.

I've heard it my whole life, but time does fly, doesn't it? My sister is now married. Both of my cousins are married as well; one is moved off as well. It's so crazy. I suppose it makes me appreciate memories of my childhood more. I know that years from now I will look back and appreciate memories that I'm making now. I will say, "Man, I wish that I were eighteen again!"

I suppose this was supposed to be a merry Christmas message. Or one to simply say, revel in what you've had and you have now. Enjoy family, friends, God, and life. Enjoy Christmas...I will.

Finals Week

Yes, I should be studying for my Old Testament exam at 7:30, but I just can't focus right now. My thoughts are just whirling around in my head. So, I will let them out. Sound good?

My sister got married on Saturday. It was a beautiful wedding. She was the most beautiful bride. Her, now, husband cried. I watched her walk down the isle with tears in my eyes. They were tears of joy and of sadness. I'm so happy for her, yet, I'm a little sad for me. Walking into my house after break and not seeing her will be hard. I went to borrow a pair of shoes while I was home and I opened her closet to find everything gone. I'm happy, I am, but I'm also sad. I think back to all the things I hated about her when we were growing up. How much I couldn't stand her "perfectness". And everyone would say, "Danielle, she's not perfect..." But she is. She is the most perfect Amanda ever - faults included. I get so frustrated with her, but in the end, I still love her and I always will. I think that's why it's safe to get mad at her. I know that no matter what we'll be friends again before the nights over. She's been a lot of things to me over the years: an annoyance, a role model, a jerk, an encourager, but most of all she's been a hero. I've seen her mess up and say and do things she shouldn't, but I've seen her plead forgiveness. I've seen her become a little distant from God, but I've held her in my arms at 2:30 in the morning praying in tongues as a new passion was birthed inside of her. I've seen her at her best and worst and I love her through both of them. She is the best.

Now that that's outta the way...I leave for home on Wednesday. I can't wait. It's going to come quick, but unfortunately breaks gonna fly by quickly too. I suppose now that I think about how many finals I need to study for I should actually do that.

Happy New Beginning Day!

Well, as I promised, I am ready to write now. Today is December 1 (I know, I know, you learn so much from my posts). That means it is New Beginning Day. No, you won't find that on any calendar, but it's a special day for me. On the first of every month I stop for a moment on my busy day and think about last month. All of the bad, and all of the good. All of things that I regret and things I'm glad I did. Then I take the good, and keep the memories. But with the bad things I find lessons that I need to learn from mistakes and then let them go. And thus, it is a new beginning.

I've got a lot of papers due. My final paper was moved up. I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm at peace. I tell you, being here has been the biggest roller-coaster I've ever lived. I read something I wrote a sometime last year and I spoke of wanting adventure. I spoke of longing to be at CBC. O how ironic things are! Now, I am ready to be home. I'm ready to retreat from adventure for awhile. I suppose it's normal. Perhaps it's not, let be honest, not much about me is. But God is faithful. Isn't that the motto of my life? "God is faithful." I sometimes have to repeat it to myself about fifty-seven times a minute, but it never changes. My circumstances change, my stress level increases, my amount of sleep decreases, but my God is always faithful.

I'm going to make time to blow bubbles today. One of my friends here handed me a tube of bubbles today and said, "Let it go for a second and blow bubbles. Shuffle your feet in the snow and just smile for a little bit." So that's what I'm going to do (except shuffle my feet in the snow - the sun has mostly melted it all now). I have to write a speech and make a Wal-Mart run and then I will pause, blow bubbles and smile. Doesn't that sound nice? It sure does for me.

Thought of the day? Simply what my mother texted me (paraphrased, sorry Mom): God has not sent you here to fail, but to succeed, and He will be your success and your strength. Life is hard. Circumstances are awful and overwhelming. Yet, God has placed you where you are for a reason. It may be hard, but He hasn't sent you there to fail. Rely on Him for your strength and you will succeed. Also...go blow some bubbles, shuffle your feet in the snow (if it exists for you) and smile.

Just an update

Whew! Well it's been quite a while since I've posted. And quite a lot has happened since then. I don't suppose I really have much to say. Don't get me wrong, I think way too much, but not much makes sense right now. I think I'm just too busy. Or perhaps too much is going on for anything to make sense. Who knows? I just wanted to let everyone know I'm alive. I'm thinking that pretty soon things will make sense and then another blog will be here that will actually be thought provoking. Wouldn't that be amazing?!

They're adding an elevator to one of our buildings here. It's an awful sound. Drilling, hammering, shaving metal. Yuck. It's worse than nails on a chalk board. But the outcome will be good. We can accommodate more handicapped students, we can carry large boxes upstairs without killing ourselves or our backs, we can be lazy and not climb stairs. It sounds awful, but it will be good in the end.

I walked passed today while they were working. They were shaving a metal frame to make it fit inside the space. It made me cringe it sounded so horrible. I thought, "You know, that sounds like what my life feels like lately." And I as I thought more about that, I realized the more it's true. It is painful. It makes me cringe. Yet, without it it wouldn't fit. God has many plans for my life. I don't understand many of them - if any of them. And it will, in the end be good. He is shaving off things in my life. It hurts. He is hammering in his word and his principles. It's painful. He is drilling out some pain and hard spots that have been in my heart for a while. It's overwhelming, sometimes.

But I know that it is all so I can fit into his plans. It's not easy, but it's worth it. It doesn't feel or sound pretty, but in the end...O in the end! How wonderful it will be to say that God took all of the things that limited me and he shaped me and he molded me and now I fit perfectly into his design.

Perhaps you understand what I'm saying. As you read this and you feel overwhelmed or outdated. Maybe you feel overwhelmed or used. Know that the building process hurts, but the end product is worth far more than we actually have to pay.

I'm sitting in my room with Christmas lights lining the majority of my room (I have one more strand that I need to buy). It's cold outside (feels like 33) and raining. I'm wondering to myself, "Can I do it? Can I make it?" I know I can. I know I have no other choice. This semester is hard. I'm unsure of so much. But I know my God is faithful.

I'm listening to "Marshmallow World" by Dean Martin. I wish it were marshmallow world. I wish that I could take one day and say even though the world normally plows over me, I'm going to roll it into a snowball and just enjoy life. I have so much due, but I can't seem to get any of it done. It all snowballs and rolls over me. O how I long for that to change. Growing up isn't that fun. I just one day to have a marshmallow world. I want things to be sweet.

I'm not unhappy. I know that God is faithful. I know that God is still working all things out for His glory. But still...I can't help but get in at night and say, "Can I do it? Can I make it?"

The answer I always come up with is yes. It's not easy. Sometimes it's seems too hard. But it's still yes. Even though it's hard, morning always comes. Joy is still there in the hard times, we just have to claim it more. Life is still good, because my life is still God's.

But I still want my sweet, fluffy Marshmallow World...

I voted.

I was so excited when I woke up this morning. I got to vote. How amazing is that? I am able to vote. A woman. That was fought for. Long and hard. I voted. I'm proud to say my state went in favor of McCain.

O I know, I just mentioned a name! *GASP* It has nothing to do with color, it has nothing to do with parties, it has nothing to do with appearance or age. It has to do with facts. I could not vote for someone who is okay with killing children. I couldn't vote for someone who is against Israel. I hate the fact that many in Hollywood would not vote for Obama because he was against Israel, but the church couldn't step up and do it. I hate the fact that my fellow countrymen care more about how much money is in their pocket than they do about whether or not we kill innocent babies.

But my God is faithful. He is all-knowing. Within moments of the decision every one's status on facebook showed who they stood for. I do not fear these next four years. I will cling to God even more. I know that God has promised a revival like none before. I know that I will see it.

Whatever has actually happened today will be history. I may never be able to tell my children about this time, because, well, lets face it, I don't know how much longer there is the world. None of us know the future. None of us can pretend to. I don't know what will happen, but I know that my God is a sovereign, faithful, protecting God. I know that I am a child of the true King - President, if you will - and my future is secure.

A dove day...

I went to Wal-Mart the other day and passed by the candy isle (dangerous after a bad day). I decided I needed dove chocolate, so I picked up a bag. Of course dove has the little quotes inside of the wrapper. My day was turning into a very stressful one and I ate a chocolate and inside the wrapper it said: In chaos there lies opportunity. How amazing is that? I think it's wonderful that God may even use chocolate wrappers to speak to His children. Here are some of my other favorites that I've gotten: Break the mold, be extraordinary; True love is a bond that lasts forever; Be a good listener to your friends; and Find little ways to make everyday a holiday.

I think that's why I've decided everyday has to be a dove day. I eat at least one, no more than five (hehe) pieces a day and I relish in the moments I get. Not just moments with chocolate, but every moment. You really don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore. For instance, all of those years eating with pastors almost everyday, almost every week? I would love to go eat with a pastor once a month now! I am still okay with being a nobody, but I just want to be a nobody that eats a meal with a pastor and loves that fellowship.

Any way, I guess I really don't much to say. Life is just the same. School, work, practice, sleep. I saved my dove moment until now just for you all: Enjoy your DOVE and let your mind unwind.

So go get your chocolate, celebrate the day, and look for the opportunity even in the midst of chaos.

There's just something about this season....

It's a beautiful day. O goodness, there is just something about fall, I promise you! People say that spring and fall are the same, but they aren't. You see when fall comes you've been through the bitter winter of last year, and the intense rains of the spring, and even the hot dry summer (both physically and metaphorically). Thus, by the time fall comes the weather is cool and the wind is singing to you the songs of peace. The leaves put on a different costume and dance in your honor because you made it through the difficult times! Yes, in fall, you simply have to bask in this glory. You can't complain about the cold winter that's ahead because then you don't even revel in this peace, in this beauty that is all around.

If you can't tell, today is a great day. Yesterday I was really worried about today because my composition class decided to move a six page paper (basically considered my mid-term in the class) up to next week instead of week after next. That made it four papers, a speech, and a video assessment paper I had to do over the weekend. I woke up today at six to eat breakfast with a friend at IHOP and my day started. Maybe is the sugar rush from my creepes this morning, but I am in such peace. I went the park after breakfast and finished two of my papers. After walking around enjoying the day I came back to my dorm. I'm gonna do my video assessment, yoga, eat some lunch then disappear into nature again to finish my other paper and my speech.

In all honesty, I don't think my breakfast has anything to do with my day. I think that after such stressful weeks, God is reminding me that He is still here. That He has still called me to this school and His ministry and He will provide a way for me to remain here with a good GPA (definitely necessary for scholarships!). God is good, very good.

Wherever you are, even if you weather isn't quite fall-like yet, and even if the leaves haven't started to dance to the wind's song for you yet, take a moment and revel in the hour. Take a moment and remember that it's not fall who is rewarding you but it is the Creator of fall and the universe and you. How amazing is that to know? I think we easily forget it. Especially me when I'm in such a spiritual setting. I take God and His presence for granted. I suppose it just takes one good peaceful fall day to set me straight.

I went home over the weekend. It was a lot of fun. Very busy, but a lot of fun. That phrase has been in my life lately, "very busy". O well....

I realized something on my trip home and back. When I got about thirty minutes from home I began to get really anxious. I was ready to be home. I was ready to be where I was comfortable and where I fit in. I was ready to see my family, and I promise you, I was ready to sleep in my full sized bed!!!! It is where I belong - it is home.
At the same time, I grew similarly anxious when I got thirty minutes outside of school. It's not a place I feel at home, but it's where I'm supposed to be. It's not where I fit in at all times, but it is where God has placed me. It's not where my family is, but I have found a family and a comfort in God's peace. It is certainly not where I have a comfortable full sized bed, but I do have my fierce couch in the library.

I suppose my point is heaven and life on earth might be that way - or should be that way. We aren't supposed to be at home here on earth, but it's where we are supposed to be for now. It would be much nicer to go on home to heaven, but we have a duty here. We have a calling here. We have a peace in God's presence here. Sometimes we lose that eagerness to get home though. I think it's because we've been here on earth so long it seems like we could easily make this our happy estate. I didn't miss home too much until I got thirty minutes away. Maybe we've just been too far from home to realize how much we miss it. Maybe some of us don't miss it at all. I hope that I will continue to yearn for being in God's embrace, just as I yearned for being my parent's embrace. I also hope that I will not forget the urgency of my job here on earth too. Time is short. I suppose I should make it count.

My sister told me that she never wants to think the way I do. "It's too confusing," she says. I suppose it is. So, I'm sorry if this was confusing. It was just on my heart.

I'm sitting the library on what I've come to call the "fierce couch". No one else calls it that, but it has leopard print on it and some animal print pillows. It's pretty fierce - hence the name. I suppose if my mom reads this she will get mad at me because I'm blogging before I finished my homework. I have full intention of getting my work done, so calm down. All of my thoughts are running through my head at such a rate that I have to get them out before I can accomplish anything (and trust me, blogging does not accomplish anything. I have tried to reason a pathway to make that conclusion and I cannot, sadly.) .

We had a good speaker in chapel today. He had been delivered from a life of homosexuality - and he was actually delivered. I get tired of seeing people delivered and then sucked back into the lifestyle. It's heartbreaking. I was happy to hear is testimony.

People rightly say that your words mean a lot. It is definitely true. Words impact people. But something I'm beginning to learn (I know, it's basic stuff I should know) is that your thoughts will impact a lot too. Negative thought patterns will produce negative attitudes which will in turn produce negative words. It's a vicious cycle. I am a realist. To quote the movie Hitch (which I still haven't seen all the way through), "No you are a realist masquerading as a pessimist who is actually an optimist." I suppose that if I were honest I'm more of a pessimist than anything. I usually say I'm a realist with a pessimistic twist. My dad would always get onto me because thoughts control so much of your outlook on life. The ironic thing is my dad is slightly pessimistic himself. It's not something that I strove for. I don't wake up everyday and say, "Let me find something hopeful today and make it depressing." No, that just happens naturally. It is a challenge to wake up and say, "Come what may, today is a good day." That is the power of thought.

Speaking of good days, my tech savvy mom sends my sister and I a text every morning saying, "Have a blessed day!" At first I thought, "How cute! Look at my mother and her sweet text messages!" But I was sitting in class one morning and it dawned on me. She's not just being sweet, she's blessing my day! My day has been blessed! Suddenly my 7:30 class was not a worthless class, but it was a worthless class that had been blessed. I am honored to have someone who will bless my day. The cool thing about it is, I know she doesn't just say that. I know that her and my father pray that my day be blessed. That is cool. We don't truly speak blessings enough. Sure we say "God bless you" as we pass people in church, but do we pray that they be blessed in Jesus name later? Just something to think about.

I guess I truly had nothing to say, never do. But if you desire something to "chew on", bite at this: Don't play the glad game, that's annoying, but wake up and bless your day and walk in that blessing - no matter what comes your way.

Up and down days, Rainy weather, and God moments...

Yesterday was fairly up and down. Perhaps the truth is that it was mainly down. Satan was just attacking me and using people I care about to do so. I felt defeated. Today was fairly the same - at first. I walked around just kinda bummed all day. Since it's spiritual emphasis week we have services at night too. I didn't want to go tonight. I just wasn't into it. I just felt numb, for lack of a better word.

Today was rainy too. Not a happy rain (and I don't care what people say there is a difference between happy and sad rain). It was kind of dreary. And of course it waited till I was halfway to the library before it started to pour. O well, I already have a cold so what does it matter?

Anyway, after the library I decided to go to the service. I made it through worship and as the speaker began to preach...o goodness. As my grandma would say, it's like he had my number. And when I went to the altar God used a couple of the people here to speak to me. It was definitely God speaking through them. It was amazing just to bask in his presence and to remember that the great and mighty God we serve is great and mighty! I realized then that I ask God a lot for "God Moments". I look for big miracles and clear understanding. But God spoke to me and told me that every moment can be a God moment. Every breath can be a miracle. O wow...isn't he great?

Frustration!

Do you ever get writer's block to the point it hurts? Like what you want to say is welling up inside; words run wildly through your head but there is no way to write them down. Other words flow easily from my pen, but what I want to say won't leave its pin! The words swell and grow. The energy of it all is rising. This moment is immersed in silence. Thoughts are racing through my mind. My heart is pounding. My pulse is raging. Adrenaline rushes and I'm ready to go, to let the words flow - but still my hand is motionless, as I grasp my pencil tightly. The page is empty, just as it was when I sat down at my desk. I have a paper due - why writer's block tonight???

I think I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever blogged in the morning. It's not too bad, I suppose but I don't play to ever do this one Monday, Wednesday, Friday (a.k.a. 7:30 class days). I know it's been awhile since I've posted. You'll be glad to know that my internet is up and I can also get onto CBC's network at retrieve my homework!

Besides that I guess nothings really new, just everything's busy. This is the week of auditions and, of course, my allergies went crazy. Something about me needing my voice or being able to hear makes my throat scratchy and my ears fog up. O well!

I'm off to class! Ayez un jour splendide!

Internet! O joy! O joy!

Good news: I'm on the Internet. Bad news: I still don't have my codes to get on the Internet at school. Which means I also can't get my class information or check my school email. Although, I must admit, the worst part of not having Internet has been not being able to blog. Yes, that is how much of a loser I am. O well...

I am home currently. I will leave for PK Retreat tomorrow and then rush back to school Monday. So far, so good. I have made some good friends at school. Of course there are those who will not like me and that is okay. They are allowed. My classes are fairly good. The professor I have for Church Drama is absolutely outstanding. Another thing to note is the Chapel Services. Unfortunately, I have seen several students grow cold to Chapel as time progresses; but Chapel has been wonderful. Today was particularly good. Dr. Wooton spoke on Hebrews 12:1-2. He asked that we look to Jesus, listen to the cloud of witnesses that surround us, and lay aside every weight and every sin that weigh us down. It was what I needed to hear.

I have learned this week that you truly do get out of something what you put into it. I have heard it my whole life; I have quoted it many times, but I am just now realizing that truly, you will not get out of something what you have not put into it.

I was thinking this week about growing up. The more you grow up are you more likely to say, "Look how much I've grown up!" or "Look how much more I need to grow up!"? I personally believe the latter. I sometimes look back on my life and say, "Wow! Look how far I have come! God, certainly I am spiritually mature and lack nothing in your eyes!" But just as soon as I entertain the thought I hear a soft whisper saying, "Whoa, look how far you have to go! You are perfect in My eyes, as you remain humble, remain open, and seek after Me." I suppose what I'm saying is, I really have nothing to boast over. Unless, I boast as the Apostle Paul did in 2 Corinthians 12. I have many weaknesses that give God the authority to say, "My grace is sufficient." And in that I will boast, because if my being weak insures that He will be strong - I have no problem being considered weak.

Finally here...finally moved...not at all done!

Well, I'm here! My dorm is basically finished except for minor details that will drive me crazy until I complete them. I spent all day registering; I'm going to meet with my advisor tomorrow and then buy my books.

I'm still a little overwhelmed. I suppose that's normal; at least that's what I'm told. I'm also told that I'll find my grove and things will get easier. And deep down I know it will, but as for now...I am here, and I'm holding up okay.

I guess my youth pastors wife (and dear friend) said it best in card she had handed to me: "Have tons of fun, make lots of memories, make close relationships, and take risks!" The first three aren't too hard, but the fourth one I have problems with. Dennis Sprouse has always said, "How much you risk will equal how much you grow." But there is this thing about taking risks, you don't know what's going to happen! Which is why it is a risk. O well...with God all things are possible...even this!

On the verge

Well, this week has been crazy. And one thing is for sure - I'm on the verge of something. I'm not sure if it's a nervous breakdown or if it's something great. Or perhaps if i make it through the nervous breakdown it will be something great.

It is my last night at home. Weird. (O and random side note, I got my bumper fixed. Can we say, "Praise God!"?). I should probably be getting things officially ready or going to sleep or something; yet, here I am procrastinating. Today has been a whirlwind. This morning feels like two weeks ago considering how long today has been. But at the same time it's been too short to get everything I need done. O well, ready or not, I'm going. I have payed a great deal of money and I am going.

I will wake up tomorrow at a ridiculous hour so I can be ready and get things loaded - and drink a LARGE cup of coffee - by 6:00 A.M. Yes, I know I'm on the verge of something...just haven't figured out what yet.

Jeanne Mayo, Best Friends, My Sister, and a Nobody

I went to hear one of my heroes in the ministry speak tonight: Jeanne Mayo. She is amazing. She made a statement that really stood out to me. "You'll never change the world as long as you're trying to be like it." We all want to change the world, but few can brave not being like it long enough to impact it.

After I came home I got to talk to my best friend that's been away for awhile. We actually dared to talk about a subject that I have darted for awhile because of our different feelings on the situation. It's always nice to hear someone else's side and perhaps understand it more. I think I should do that more often. I think we all should.

My sister is the best person in the world. She taught me a very valuable lesson tonight. She's very real. If she's upset with you then you know it. If she's sad, you know it. If she's mad, you really know it. And if she loves you, you always know it. She doesn't pretend to be something she's not. I usually pretend. If I'm mad at you, you probably think I've just got a headache. If I'm sad, you probably think I just have a lot on my mind. Sadly, if I love you, you may not know all the time. It may not always make people happy to know that you respond a certain way, but, in my opinion, always being yourself and letting the rest fall into place is better than being fake.

And to conclude this post of ramblings and things, I realized tonight that it's okay to be a nobody. God spoke to me while I was at service, surrounded by a lot of people who had much more seniority than I. I felt so lost, because I've always been the one in charge or close to the one in charge;but God spoke to me and he basically said it's okay to be a nobody. It's okay to not be on top. And I started thinking about that statement, it really impacted me. Most of this nation and even I live to simply make a name for ourselves. Most the time I live to accomplish something and, yes, even see my name in lights ( there is, after all, an actress inside of me), but think about all the people who lived as a nobody. Jesus spent 30 years of his life as a nobody!! He was just a carpenters son. Even one of his soon-to-be disciples heard of him and said, "Can anything good come from Nazareth??" Paul sacrificed all of his status, as a Roman Citizen and as a Pharisee, to be a nobody. He gave it up because he saw the big in the small and he knew he was called to more than his position or his seniority. David took off his Kingly robes to dance before the Lord. He knew that his gain was nothing in the eyes of the Lord. He became a nobody to dance because he knew not even a King should be allowed in the presence of God. I've been terrified to go off to school and be a nobody, but now - now I'm going to try to look for opportunities to be a nobody. I suppose this all comes back to something that's been drilled inside of me for three summers: Servant hood. There will always be a place for a servant (nobody) and God will always see those who give up everything to serve (be a nobody). I guess, that's my goal - to be nobody.

A day of good byes...

What a day today has been!
I had my final voice and drama lesson today from the studio that I've been at since I was nine. It's weird to leave that place and not say, "See ya next week!" I'm sure I have totally surprised my teachers by how I've (for lack of a better term) grown up. My voice teacher always used to tell my parents to watch me close 'cause I'd be the one singing in a bar one day on top of a piano. Despite that great vote of confidence, I know that they are proud of me and what I am doing. And they have right to be proud, not because I'm doing something so great - I mean honestly I'm just going to Bible college - but because they helped shape me into who I am now. I don't know what I would be like without them and all of the lessons that they've taught me - theatrically and practically. I will miss them.
I also preached my good bye sermon at my youth tonight. I tell you, good byes are so draining. The official good bye isn't until next week (ice cream and cake, man!) but still! Every one keeps hugging me and telling me that I will be missed and it's nice to know but still hard. I will miss everyone, but I know that God has great things in store for me and for my youth group.
I suppose that is all I had to say so now that I have, it's time for another good bye....for now.

I would like you all to know that I have tried very hard to get this computer out of my lap today. I'm not sure what it is, but the moment I set it down it leaps back into my hands and reminds me of something I have to do.

I am currently sitting in the middle of my floor. I'm not alone, though, I have a lot of clutter surrounding me, keeping me company. Packing for college is a very large joke. I have no clue what I'm wearing tomorrow and I'm supposed to pick out what I'd like to wear three months down the road? Yeah right! It helps that my closet space is only large enough for a mouse to store one tiny piece of fur too. I leave sometime soon. My room mate can tell you the exact number of days. I just know the date I leave and when I have to have everything loaded into my parent's van. My to-do list is longer than the days left, I can tell you that much. I am excited. I am slightly nervous. I am guessing that this is all normal.

I, however, am not so normal. I'm not sure how things will work this fall. I'm not necessarily the easiest person to get along with (unless my mom is reading this, because she, I know, gets along with me). But despite all of this, I suppose I am ready. Besides, I don't really have a choice...

Late night movie, NYC, and Deep thoughts provoked by boredom...

Some of my friends and I went to see Batman: Dark Knight at the Imax tonight. Amazing movie. "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." Best quote in the entire thing.

I got a message from one of my friends in NYC tonight. He said he was just being bored. Bored in a city like New York City. I can't wrap my mind around it, but as I began thinking about it - it made sense. I hate being a tourist, but honestly, tourists have the most fun. If you live in a city, you are used to it. You have a routine. You have a numbness to it all. You have ordinary life. But tourists - tourists see the extraordinary in your ordinary life. The simple things that the native overlooks - such as buildings and landmarks - mean the world to the tourists. They live to see the "glamorous" in the things that you call "dull".

If you truly only die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain, then we are all in trouble. We overlook the big things in the small everyday, because we want the flashy. We don't always want to glory in small things, but to see the big - even if it's truly nothing. In that sense, we all become villains, because we all ruin how we were supposed to be. We were made for the still, small voice, but we look for the fire and the earthquakes.

We were all made for adventure. I know my heart yearns to find it, but perhaps what we will find - what I will find - its that adventure is found in our everyday lives. We just have to look for it.

Final Praisong Day

I really intended to write more than this. I carry a notebook with me at all times, but I create a blog to keep everyone updated on my life and - nothing. Well a lot has happened to me since my last post, as you can imagine. I'm just now getting home from another year of Praisong. My last year of Praisong. I'm Praisong alumnus. It's so strange. I was talking to a fellow three year member earlier and she said that it's always hard to go back to the real world after Praisong anyway, but this year, we are not just going back to the real world, we're going back to a new world. We are growing up and we won't be back to the same drama; we will be going to college and dealing with new drama (well that was my comment). It's bitter-sweet to be a third year member. It feels good to know that you've completed that, but at the same time it's heart breaking to know that it's all you can do as a member. One of the members this year hugged me and said, " O you'll be an intern, stop crying." And I will, if the Lord leads. But it's still an odd thing. This has helped me to grow so much. I have met the most amazing people of God and I would not trade these moments for anything. Anything at all.

And so it continues...

Whew! I'm exhausted. I'm going to preach at youth for the next two weeks, but that's not even the tiring part. I feel extremely busy at all times, but then at the end of the day I wonder what I have accomplished. Perhaps I am accomplishing nothing and just running around in circles but I'd like to think I'm getting at least something done.

I finally caught up on my Praisong devotion. It took me a really long time but it's very worth it. I am excited about this year team. Although, I'm really sad that this is my last year. But you know what every parent tells their child, "Everyone has to grow up and realize that they have to be Praisong alumni and some point." Or maybe that's just what my parents console me with.

Well, I got a call from my admissions counselor today at CBC. She said that I have 75 days till school and counting...O and that all my money ever is now invested in the school. One good thing I found out on their website though is that dorms open on August 22 instead 21 which means I can go to one last youth service. Overall, I'm excited, but I'm not ignorant to the fact it will be hard. I've always had an amazing family and always known it would be hard to leave them, but I never really had any good friends near by until two years ago. Now I have to adjust to the few friends I'm used to having around all the time being two and a half hours away. O well...they will still be the best.

And so it begins...

I'm not sure when it happened but somewhere along the way, I actually started growing up. Well...i got older at least. Now I am starting my internship, participating in my last year of Praisong, and headed off for college in the fall. Ready or not, here I come! So, I invite you all to enjoy this with me - sit down, buckle up, and prepare for my grand adventure...