I went home over the weekend. It was a lot of fun. Very busy, but a lot of fun. That phrase has been in my life lately, "very busy". O well....

I realized something on my trip home and back. When I got about thirty minutes from home I began to get really anxious. I was ready to be home. I was ready to be where I was comfortable and where I fit in. I was ready to see my family, and I promise you, I was ready to sleep in my full sized bed!!!! It is where I belong - it is home.
At the same time, I grew similarly anxious when I got thirty minutes outside of school. It's not a place I feel at home, but it's where I'm supposed to be. It's not where I fit in at all times, but it is where God has placed me. It's not where my family is, but I have found a family and a comfort in God's peace. It is certainly not where I have a comfortable full sized bed, but I do have my fierce couch in the library.

I suppose my point is heaven and life on earth might be that way - or should be that way. We aren't supposed to be at home here on earth, but it's where we are supposed to be for now. It would be much nicer to go on home to heaven, but we have a duty here. We have a calling here. We have a peace in God's presence here. Sometimes we lose that eagerness to get home though. I think it's because we've been here on earth so long it seems like we could easily make this our happy estate. I didn't miss home too much until I got thirty minutes away. Maybe we've just been too far from home to realize how much we miss it. Maybe some of us don't miss it at all. I hope that I will continue to yearn for being in God's embrace, just as I yearned for being my parent's embrace. I also hope that I will not forget the urgency of my job here on earth too. Time is short. I suppose I should make it count.

My sister told me that she never wants to think the way I do. "It's too confusing," she says. I suppose it is. So, I'm sorry if this was confusing. It was just on my heart.

I'm sitting the library on what I've come to call the "fierce couch". No one else calls it that, but it has leopard print on it and some animal print pillows. It's pretty fierce - hence the name. I suppose if my mom reads this she will get mad at me because I'm blogging before I finished my homework. I have full intention of getting my work done, so calm down. All of my thoughts are running through my head at such a rate that I have to get them out before I can accomplish anything (and trust me, blogging does not accomplish anything. I have tried to reason a pathway to make that conclusion and I cannot, sadly.) .

We had a good speaker in chapel today. He had been delivered from a life of homosexuality - and he was actually delivered. I get tired of seeing people delivered and then sucked back into the lifestyle. It's heartbreaking. I was happy to hear is testimony.

People rightly say that your words mean a lot. It is definitely true. Words impact people. But something I'm beginning to learn (I know, it's basic stuff I should know) is that your thoughts will impact a lot too. Negative thought patterns will produce negative attitudes which will in turn produce negative words. It's a vicious cycle. I am a realist. To quote the movie Hitch (which I still haven't seen all the way through), "No you are a realist masquerading as a pessimist who is actually an optimist." I suppose that if I were honest I'm more of a pessimist than anything. I usually say I'm a realist with a pessimistic twist. My dad would always get onto me because thoughts control so much of your outlook on life. The ironic thing is my dad is slightly pessimistic himself. It's not something that I strove for. I don't wake up everyday and say, "Let me find something hopeful today and make it depressing." No, that just happens naturally. It is a challenge to wake up and say, "Come what may, today is a good day." That is the power of thought.

Speaking of good days, my tech savvy mom sends my sister and I a text every morning saying, "Have a blessed day!" At first I thought, "How cute! Look at my mother and her sweet text messages!" But I was sitting in class one morning and it dawned on me. She's not just being sweet, she's blessing my day! My day has been blessed! Suddenly my 7:30 class was not a worthless class, but it was a worthless class that had been blessed. I am honored to have someone who will bless my day. The cool thing about it is, I know she doesn't just say that. I know that her and my father pray that my day be blessed. That is cool. We don't truly speak blessings enough. Sure we say "God bless you" as we pass people in church, but do we pray that they be blessed in Jesus name later? Just something to think about.

I guess I truly had nothing to say, never do. But if you desire something to "chew on", bite at this: Don't play the glad game, that's annoying, but wake up and bless your day and walk in that blessing - no matter what comes your way.

Up and down days, Rainy weather, and God moments...

Yesterday was fairly up and down. Perhaps the truth is that it was mainly down. Satan was just attacking me and using people I care about to do so. I felt defeated. Today was fairly the same - at first. I walked around just kinda bummed all day. Since it's spiritual emphasis week we have services at night too. I didn't want to go tonight. I just wasn't into it. I just felt numb, for lack of a better word.

Today was rainy too. Not a happy rain (and I don't care what people say there is a difference between happy and sad rain). It was kind of dreary. And of course it waited till I was halfway to the library before it started to pour. O well, I already have a cold so what does it matter?

Anyway, after the library I decided to go to the service. I made it through worship and as the speaker began to preach...o goodness. As my grandma would say, it's like he had my number. And when I went to the altar God used a couple of the people here to speak to me. It was definitely God speaking through them. It was amazing just to bask in his presence and to remember that the great and mighty God we serve is great and mighty! I realized then that I ask God a lot for "God Moments". I look for big miracles and clear understanding. But God spoke to me and told me that every moment can be a God moment. Every breath can be a miracle. O wow...isn't he great?

Frustration!

Do you ever get writer's block to the point it hurts? Like what you want to say is welling up inside; words run wildly through your head but there is no way to write them down. Other words flow easily from my pen, but what I want to say won't leave its pin! The words swell and grow. The energy of it all is rising. This moment is immersed in silence. Thoughts are racing through my mind. My heart is pounding. My pulse is raging. Adrenaline rushes and I'm ready to go, to let the words flow - but still my hand is motionless, as I grasp my pencil tightly. The page is empty, just as it was when I sat down at my desk. I have a paper due - why writer's block tonight???

I think I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever blogged in the morning. It's not too bad, I suppose but I don't play to ever do this one Monday, Wednesday, Friday (a.k.a. 7:30 class days). I know it's been awhile since I've posted. You'll be glad to know that my internet is up and I can also get onto CBC's network at retrieve my homework!

Besides that I guess nothings really new, just everything's busy. This is the week of auditions and, of course, my allergies went crazy. Something about me needing my voice or being able to hear makes my throat scratchy and my ears fog up. O well!

I'm off to class! Ayez un jour splendide!