I suppose if you know me at all you know that I'm slightly melodramatic. This is why most if not all of my stories are exaggerated and why my emotions are generally over the top (it's also why I randomly play out things I experience in my day as a melodrama that is extremely amusing to me and makes me laugh when no one else knows what is going on). For once I am trying my best to be extremely real with my emotions (I'm fairly sure that it's because I'm not the only over dramatic person around now and you can only have a very small amount of dramatic people in one area). Yet, in being real I have forced myself to make one conclusion: I am not the lone-wolf that I once was. I am not the lone-wolf I wish I were.

I've always been a melon (it's a Praisong thing...don't ask). I've always gotten frustrated because there were too many people around. I suppose to some extent I still do. I tend to drown in a sea of people. I also tend to be fake and formal when I don't feel comfortable around a lot of people. Despite all of this, I regret the moments where I chose to be alone when I could have spent time with my friends. I miss people. I miss having deep conversations. I miss laughing with friends. I am fairly independent most of the time. I don't need people to accomplish a task or to go out or have a good time. But I have been alone for a great deal of time and I am very lonely. I kind of feel like the social leper who has been cast out from society (in all fairness, I warned you it would be melodramatic...).

All of this was merely to say that people are important and I think that I forget that sometimes. I have amazing friends but I'm very used to them being around. I'm certainly going to try to start appreciating them more (and also on that note, my best friend is amazing...he's getting me something from NY. I asked but still surprised he's going to!). I've also realized that my friends are very very awesome for putting up with me!!!

I should be writing my paper, but instead I'm writing this...

This week has been very interesting. I've been really discouraged and unsure of whether or not I could handle it (it being the theatre world) again. Because I wasn't sure if I could handle it, I was very unsure if I could ever open and run a theatre where a cast has a mutual respect for everyone and doesn't go get wasted every night. I had some good friends who were kind enough to appease my worries, but last night at practice my director leaned over to me during a chorus number and said, "There is the future. When you're ready for them, we will have them ready for you." It made me feel good.

I've been trying lately to be more positive. I know, I know it's crazy talk for me to be positive. Yet, here I am. Most of the people I hang out with at my studio are extremely negative and I realized that it's really annoying!!!! I'm amazed I have friends if I have sounded like that my whole life! Thus, I am attempting to be positive. I will not become an optimist though, I refuse... Maybe I can be a realist. That's what I will aim for.

O and in case anyone was wondering, that does not mean I'll stop being a drama queen.