Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Content
I'm a dreamer. I dream big dreams. I dream of big adventures. I dream of exotic places and exhilarating jobs. I dream all the time. I do not have the luxury of going to sleep then dreaming then waking up from them. No, these dreams are always on my mind.
My dreams always have me in other places but few times do they make me discontent with my life. Today is one of those few times. This morning was one of those rare mornings where I woke up and dreamed of something I couldn't have. One of those saddening times when I realized that what I want probably won't be what I get.
All dreamers out there understand what I mean. They know how it feels to wake up and have a dream scratching at their hearts door, whining to be let back in. They know how it feels to have to turn the dream away because it doesn't fit inside anymore, it just can't.
I wish I were content with the dreams that my heart has let in inside instead of whining about that one that I still want. I wish I were content in knowing that I'm lucky enough to have been able to have the dream in my heart to begin with.
I'm not currently content. But, as all dreamers know, there will be another dream scratching on my heart's door eventually - and I suppose that will be good enough for me.
My dreams always have me in other places but few times do they make me discontent with my life. Today is one of those few times. This morning was one of those rare mornings where I woke up and dreamed of something I couldn't have. One of those saddening times when I realized that what I want probably won't be what I get.
All dreamers out there understand what I mean. They know how it feels to wake up and have a dream scratching at their hearts door, whining to be let back in. They know how it feels to have to turn the dream away because it doesn't fit inside anymore, it just can't.
I wish I were content with the dreams that my heart has let in inside instead of whining about that one that I still want. I wish I were content in knowing that I'm lucky enough to have been able to have the dream in my heart to begin with.
I'm not currently content. But, as all dreamers know, there will be another dream scratching on my heart's door eventually - and I suppose that will be good enough for me.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Happy New Year
It is a new year - 2011.
Last year ended far differently than I expected it to. This year began far differently than I expected it to be. I suppose there is always things in life that people merely deal with. You don't ask for difficult times. You don't want them. They still come and you still have to deal with them.
I spent four hours of my New Years Eve stuck at an Emergency Room because of a severe stomachy-gross thing (yes, that is the technical term). I was slightly delirious on morphine for a while and after telling my sister what every one's Ora was (because I could sense it) I told her my favorite thing about life.
I like that it's unexpected, I said (apparently). I like that you have to risk everything to get anything - even if you just get hurt.
Risk is a funny thing. If you are willing to risk gaining everything you also have to risk losing everything. You never know what it'll be until you get there. And once you get there you have to risk again and it's still just as unexpected. I think the hardest thing about risking yourself comes once you put your all out there and you end up getting more hurt than you expected. That's the point where it's most difficult to put yourself back out there. That's when it's most difficult to say, "I will love again. I will live again. I will risk again."
This is a New Year with new opportunities - even ones that we just have to deal with. My resolution this year is to take a risk again. I encourage you to do the same. It's funny how just one action can lead you either to your greatest heartache or on your greatest adventure.
Last year ended far differently than I expected it to. This year began far differently than I expected it to be. I suppose there is always things in life that people merely deal with. You don't ask for difficult times. You don't want them. They still come and you still have to deal with them.
I spent four hours of my New Years Eve stuck at an Emergency Room because of a severe stomachy-gross thing (yes, that is the technical term). I was slightly delirious on morphine for a while and after telling my sister what every one's Ora was (because I could sense it) I told her my favorite thing about life.
I like that it's unexpected, I said (apparently). I like that you have to risk everything to get anything - even if you just get hurt.
Risk is a funny thing. If you are willing to risk gaining everything you also have to risk losing everything. You never know what it'll be until you get there. And once you get there you have to risk again and it's still just as unexpected. I think the hardest thing about risking yourself comes once you put your all out there and you end up getting more hurt than you expected. That's the point where it's most difficult to put yourself back out there. That's when it's most difficult to say, "I will love again. I will live again. I will risk again."
This is a New Year with new opportunities - even ones that we just have to deal with. My resolution this year is to take a risk again. I encourage you to do the same. It's funny how just one action can lead you either to your greatest heartache or on your greatest adventure.
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