Internet! O joy! O joy!

Good news: I'm on the Internet. Bad news: I still don't have my codes to get on the Internet at school. Which means I also can't get my class information or check my school email. Although, I must admit, the worst part of not having Internet has been not being able to blog. Yes, that is how much of a loser I am. O well...

I am home currently. I will leave for PK Retreat tomorrow and then rush back to school Monday. So far, so good. I have made some good friends at school. Of course there are those who will not like me and that is okay. They are allowed. My classes are fairly good. The professor I have for Church Drama is absolutely outstanding. Another thing to note is the Chapel Services. Unfortunately, I have seen several students grow cold to Chapel as time progresses; but Chapel has been wonderful. Today was particularly good. Dr. Wooton spoke on Hebrews 12:1-2. He asked that we look to Jesus, listen to the cloud of witnesses that surround us, and lay aside every weight and every sin that weigh us down. It was what I needed to hear.

I have learned this week that you truly do get out of something what you put into it. I have heard it my whole life; I have quoted it many times, but I am just now realizing that truly, you will not get out of something what you have not put into it.

I was thinking this week about growing up. The more you grow up are you more likely to say, "Look how much I've grown up!" or "Look how much more I need to grow up!"? I personally believe the latter. I sometimes look back on my life and say, "Wow! Look how far I have come! God, certainly I am spiritually mature and lack nothing in your eyes!" But just as soon as I entertain the thought I hear a soft whisper saying, "Whoa, look how far you have to go! You are perfect in My eyes, as you remain humble, remain open, and seek after Me." I suppose what I'm saying is, I really have nothing to boast over. Unless, I boast as the Apostle Paul did in 2 Corinthians 12. I have many weaknesses that give God the authority to say, "My grace is sufficient." And in that I will boast, because if my being weak insures that He will be strong - I have no problem being considered weak.

Finally here...finally moved...not at all done!

Well, I'm here! My dorm is basically finished except for minor details that will drive me crazy until I complete them. I spent all day registering; I'm going to meet with my advisor tomorrow and then buy my books.

I'm still a little overwhelmed. I suppose that's normal; at least that's what I'm told. I'm also told that I'll find my grove and things will get easier. And deep down I know it will, but as for now...I am here, and I'm holding up okay.

I guess my youth pastors wife (and dear friend) said it best in card she had handed to me: "Have tons of fun, make lots of memories, make close relationships, and take risks!" The first three aren't too hard, but the fourth one I have problems with. Dennis Sprouse has always said, "How much you risk will equal how much you grow." But there is this thing about taking risks, you don't know what's going to happen! Which is why it is a risk. O well...with God all things are possible...even this!

On the verge

Well, this week has been crazy. And one thing is for sure - I'm on the verge of something. I'm not sure if it's a nervous breakdown or if it's something great. Or perhaps if i make it through the nervous breakdown it will be something great.

It is my last night at home. Weird. (O and random side note, I got my bumper fixed. Can we say, "Praise God!"?). I should probably be getting things officially ready or going to sleep or something; yet, here I am procrastinating. Today has been a whirlwind. This morning feels like two weeks ago considering how long today has been. But at the same time it's been too short to get everything I need done. O well, ready or not, I'm going. I have payed a great deal of money and I am going.

I will wake up tomorrow at a ridiculous hour so I can be ready and get things loaded - and drink a LARGE cup of coffee - by 6:00 A.M. Yes, I know I'm on the verge of something...just haven't figured out what yet.

Jeanne Mayo, Best Friends, My Sister, and a Nobody

I went to hear one of my heroes in the ministry speak tonight: Jeanne Mayo. She is amazing. She made a statement that really stood out to me. "You'll never change the world as long as you're trying to be like it." We all want to change the world, but few can brave not being like it long enough to impact it.

After I came home I got to talk to my best friend that's been away for awhile. We actually dared to talk about a subject that I have darted for awhile because of our different feelings on the situation. It's always nice to hear someone else's side and perhaps understand it more. I think I should do that more often. I think we all should.

My sister is the best person in the world. She taught me a very valuable lesson tonight. She's very real. If she's upset with you then you know it. If she's sad, you know it. If she's mad, you really know it. And if she loves you, you always know it. She doesn't pretend to be something she's not. I usually pretend. If I'm mad at you, you probably think I've just got a headache. If I'm sad, you probably think I just have a lot on my mind. Sadly, if I love you, you may not know all the time. It may not always make people happy to know that you respond a certain way, but, in my opinion, always being yourself and letting the rest fall into place is better than being fake.

And to conclude this post of ramblings and things, I realized tonight that it's okay to be a nobody. God spoke to me while I was at service, surrounded by a lot of people who had much more seniority than I. I felt so lost, because I've always been the one in charge or close to the one in charge;but God spoke to me and he basically said it's okay to be a nobody. It's okay to not be on top. And I started thinking about that statement, it really impacted me. Most of this nation and even I live to simply make a name for ourselves. Most the time I live to accomplish something and, yes, even see my name in lights ( there is, after all, an actress inside of me), but think about all the people who lived as a nobody. Jesus spent 30 years of his life as a nobody!! He was just a carpenters son. Even one of his soon-to-be disciples heard of him and said, "Can anything good come from Nazareth??" Paul sacrificed all of his status, as a Roman Citizen and as a Pharisee, to be a nobody. He gave it up because he saw the big in the small and he knew he was called to more than his position or his seniority. David took off his Kingly robes to dance before the Lord. He knew that his gain was nothing in the eyes of the Lord. He became a nobody to dance because he knew not even a King should be allowed in the presence of God. I've been terrified to go off to school and be a nobody, but now - now I'm going to try to look for opportunities to be a nobody. I suppose this all comes back to something that's been drilled inside of me for three summers: Servant hood. There will always be a place for a servant (nobody) and God will always see those who give up everything to serve (be a nobody). I guess, that's my goal - to be nobody.

A day of good byes...

What a day today has been!
I had my final voice and drama lesson today from the studio that I've been at since I was nine. It's weird to leave that place and not say, "See ya next week!" I'm sure I have totally surprised my teachers by how I've (for lack of a better term) grown up. My voice teacher always used to tell my parents to watch me close 'cause I'd be the one singing in a bar one day on top of a piano. Despite that great vote of confidence, I know that they are proud of me and what I am doing. And they have right to be proud, not because I'm doing something so great - I mean honestly I'm just going to Bible college - but because they helped shape me into who I am now. I don't know what I would be like without them and all of the lessons that they've taught me - theatrically and practically. I will miss them.
I also preached my good bye sermon at my youth tonight. I tell you, good byes are so draining. The official good bye isn't until next week (ice cream and cake, man!) but still! Every one keeps hugging me and telling me that I will be missed and it's nice to know but still hard. I will miss everyone, but I know that God has great things in store for me and for my youth group.
I suppose that is all I had to say so now that I have, it's time for another good bye....for now.

I would like you all to know that I have tried very hard to get this computer out of my lap today. I'm not sure what it is, but the moment I set it down it leaps back into my hands and reminds me of something I have to do.

I am currently sitting in the middle of my floor. I'm not alone, though, I have a lot of clutter surrounding me, keeping me company. Packing for college is a very large joke. I have no clue what I'm wearing tomorrow and I'm supposed to pick out what I'd like to wear three months down the road? Yeah right! It helps that my closet space is only large enough for a mouse to store one tiny piece of fur too. I leave sometime soon. My room mate can tell you the exact number of days. I just know the date I leave and when I have to have everything loaded into my parent's van. My to-do list is longer than the days left, I can tell you that much. I am excited. I am slightly nervous. I am guessing that this is all normal.

I, however, am not so normal. I'm not sure how things will work this fall. I'm not necessarily the easiest person to get along with (unless my mom is reading this, because she, I know, gets along with me). But despite all of this, I suppose I am ready. Besides, I don't really have a choice...