Tonight has been the night of deep thoughts. Or of thoughts that I dwell on so much that they seem deep to me. If your heart has grown cold, will being in God's will seem unpleasant to you?

I know that God gives us the desires of our hearts. I know that when we're out of his will, we will eventually feel the lack of him and decide we are doing everything in vain. I know that when we're in God's will, even during trials, we know it will be worth it. But, my question is, if our hearts become hardened to spiritual things, are we unhappy even if we're in God's will? I know that people have reasons as to why their hearts are hard. Some have been hurt my Christians. Some have been burnt out. Some have been mistreated by the church. Some have seen so many people over-spiritualize their lives for a pure show. Whatever the reason, if you're hearts hard to God's people, is your heart hard to God? What does it take to make someone realize how much God is calling them to greatness when their heart is so hardened to it all? I know that things aren't always fair or pleasant. I know people misuse power and leadership, even in Christian settings. But I know that God is greater than them. He will still use the institution even if the leadership is mis-using his name. He will judge them for their actions in the end. We are all responsible for ourselves and how well we followed Christ and listened to the voice of God. It's heartbreaking, you know, to see someone with such a great call upon their lives completely shut down when people talk about spiritual things.

Something has to change in the church and in this nation. I can't sit back and watch others let their lives pass them by because they are full of bitterness and complacency. The cost is too high. Something has to change...

I am sitting back stage of the play. This is the most anointed play, I've ever seen or been in. I just came from off stage and in that service....O in that service! Seriously, God's presence was so thick. It was like the Holy Spirit just blew in on the service and said, "I'm here!"

Our programs for the play got messed up. Different characters were matched to different names. Personally, I think it's kind of ironic. This play isn't about us. This play has never been about the cast. It has nothing to do with our talent or ability. Just as it was during the Azusa Revival, it's about letting God use you. This play will change lives. Not because it's the best; not because the actors are the best (by any means!); but because His anointing is inside of it and He has chosen to use it.

I am honored to even be back stage.

O goodness...I suppose my business has taken away from my blogging time. Now, I call that a busy life. If one, especially me, is too busy to blog, well then, something is just not right.

A lot has happened since my bitterness towards the ice storm. I have finished mid-terms, gone to Paris and even started the last have of the semester again. I am still busy (this month is consumed with the play and nothing else). But I am happy. I think that might be why I don't write quite as much anymore. I'm happy and content. I don't need to escape from the world anymore. I like it, even when it isn't great. I suppose this is my post.

Now, homework awaits and I should probably get on the stage for my scene. Just an idea...